


Stumbling In The Dark

by Far_Away



Category: Larry - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon, Comfort, Comforting, Cuddling, Established Relationship, M/M, Night, Panic Attack, no mention of the others, one direction - Freeform, stage fright, well in the canon world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 00:38:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7337521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Far_Away/pseuds/Far_Away
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crowd finally gets to much for Louis to handle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stumbling In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning- doesn't say explicitly that Louis has a panic attack but the symptoms are very much there. Please do not read if this could be a trigger. 
> 
> Apart from that enjoy my little oneshot and I love all constructive criticism. 
> 
> All the love.

The screams of the crowd that have flooded his senses for the past two hours don't seem to fade as he stumbles down the arena halls away from the main stage.

He just needs to get away. 

His whole body shakes with the need to be free, to be out in the open and away from the constant scrutiny of it all. 

And everything is hot and and spinning and so very wrong. His ears ring and his head feels like a hurricane. Dizzy with a thousand thoughts a second as he tries to run away from each poisoned word whispering inside his mind, undermining his every step. And he needs escape. Needs to be able to breath. 

The corridor he is stumbling down feels as stuffy as the stage did, making it impossible to draw in breath, and he can still feel thousands of eyes trained on him, judging him for it. 

Judging him for the mess he has become. 

And yes, maybe he had pushed himself too far this time. Constantly plastering on a smile when Harry had asked if he was ok, playing off the stage fright and the panic attacks they entailed like it was nothing, ignoring the worried glances sent his way by everyone who could see past his front. 

But he had been doing it, he had been keeping himself together. 

All this had been was simply nerves at the start. And then it had grown. A slight shake of the hands, a cold sweat and a fear like no other, before ever show. And the only thing that helped was a couple beers beforehand. 

And then he became more reliant on the alcohol, not being able to perform without at least being tipsy. And people began to notice. Harry began to notice. 

And they had fought like they never had. Because Louis didn't want Harry to be caught in the shit storm that was his life and Harry couldn't understand why he was pushing him away, so they had fought, and it had been brutal. They had been at each other's throats screaming, and then they had just been silent. The couldn't even look at each other. And Louis had never felt a loss like it. 

But he promised to himself that he would stop the drinking and try and get better, and look how that turned out. 

His eyes prickled with tears and his breaths came in staggered short rasps as he tried to breath, feeling like he was suffocating. Louis continued to stagger down the halls feeling like they never ended, like a nightmare where you just can't get out and every corner you turn you meet the exact same corridor. 

And then finally a door with a big EXIT sign. 

And as he reached the exit he threw the doors wide open and that felt like a small victory. 

The cold fresh air hit him square on, forcing its way into his his lungs and under his skin. 

Louis gasped in the much needed air like he had been staved of oxygen. He felt like he had been starved of oxygen. 

The dark of the night wrapped around him, clinging to his every pore and calmed his racing thoughts. Dragging air in though his mouth he attempted to slow his erratic breathing. 

And slowly the ins and outs of his chest steadied and his body began to shake a little less and the quiet of the night calmed his mind. 

And he finally had a moment to just breath and gather himself. 

Louis slowly took steps away from the thrown open doors of the building into the empty concrete car park he had found himself in, looking up into the clear night sky, it was finally quiet. 

He concentrated on just breathing. 

And then he heard quick footsteps from the corridor. He knew it was Harry without having to look, he just knew. 

Louis looked into the night sky, not wanting him to see how much the crowd had got to him this time. Not wanting to see him at all. 

"Hey, Lou" he called, worry overpowering the words. 

He walked slowly towards him, stopping just behind Louie, not reaching for him like he normally would. "Hey" Harry murmured nervously, "what's wrong?". 

Louis could almost laugh at that, what wasn't wrong would be a easier question to answer. 

Instead he bit his lip willing himself not to cry and refusing to look behind him at Harry. If he saw his face he wouldn't be able to hold it together, and Harry would know he was so far from ok. So Louis kept his eyes trained on the moon. 

The moon, which was bright and full and lay a delicate soft glow across the car park and whatever the name of the city that they were in. The moon didn't judge him, the moon didn't notice him at all. That was comforting. 

Harry remained silent for a moment waiting for a response that never came. 

"I don't know what's wrong Lou and it's really scaring me" he whispered, voice shaking now. 

And Louis eyes brimmed with tears at the words while he continued to set his gaze on the night sky to stop them overflowing. He didn't mean to scare Harry, he didn't mean to drag him into all this, into the mess that was his life. 

"I'm sorry Haz."

"Please tell me what's wrong", Harry wispered desperately. "You can't keep pretending, you can't keep covering up the problem with alcohol and you can't keep shutting me out" he ended quietly sounding so hurt it made Louis lip quiver. 

"I'm so sorry", Louis felt the tears slip over and fall down his cheeks. "I thought it would get better, and... and I'm not very good at dealing with... this. I don't ... don't want to push you away, I really can't help it". 

Harry closed the gap between them, winding his arms around Louis waist from the back and pulling him in. And Louis leaned back into it, feeling the way Harry fits him perfectly.

"I don't think I can do this for much longer" Louis sobbed loudly against the quiet night. Gripping Harry's hands in his, needing something to hold onto and ground himself. "I just can't handle it anymore", he voice sounded wrecked. "I just can't do this". 

"Whatever happens..." Harry murmurs. "... I'll be with you, you know that right?"

Fresh tears spring from Louis eyes as he turns around to face Harry, but only to snuggle his face into his neck, still not able to bring himself to meet his eyes. 

"I can't do that to you Harry", Louis voice was muffled against his shoulder. 

He knows Harry is crying too, feels the slight shake of his body against him. "I don't care about any of this Lou, I just need you to be ok again, I'll do anything for you, you know I will. I'll give up everything if I have to."

And Louis knows he means it, but that's the problem isn't it, that he would give up everything for him. And all Louis wants to do is give Harry everything. 

"I can't ask you to do that."

"And that's how I know I would, because you would never want me too."

And Harry clutches him tighter in his grip as the sobs that wrecked his body slowly subside into a dull headache and tearful hiccups. 

"I don't want to do this on my own." Louis whimpers after a long silence sounding defeated. 

"That's good, cause I'm not gonna let you", he can feel the small smile in Harry's voice. 

Louis doesn't know how long they are out there just holding each other but he wouldn't want to be anywhere else, this is what he needs right now. Even if he doesn't want Harry to get mixed up in all his shit, for once he just wants to be a bit selfish and let him hold him. 

And as he nuzzles deeper into Harry's neck breathing deeply he knows that he has to do something, if Harry won't let him suffer on his own then he's just gonna have to sort himself out somehow. Louis does his best to hold onto that tiny bit of hope where there wasn't any before, cause maybe if Harry's with him, it all won't be so bad. 

And it reminds him of why he feel in love in the first place. Being with Harry. It made the terrifying seem that little bit less scary. 

Louis finally brought himself to pull away from Harry's neck looking up to his face instead. He still looked worried but his smile was soft and his eyes were warm, skin glowing in the moonlight. 

And everything else seems to dim a little bit when he smiled brighter down at him. 

Louis smiled back gently.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed.   
> Follow my tumblr for more: www.hollands-bitch.tumblr.com


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